Hidden Research
by JouChan13
Summary: [Updated and Complete] An experiment leads to rebirth for a greeneyed shinigami, tearing him away from death and a devoted partner. Tsu x His
1. Excessum

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Hidden research, an experiment in death and rebirth.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An experiment leads to rebirth for a green-eyed shinigami, tearing him away from death and a devoted partner.

Excessum

**************

He woke up with a start writhing in pain. Agony swept over his flesh, an intense throbbing like freshly burned skin. His vision blurred with tears as he tossed around the bed. He clawed at the closest object trying to rise on the bed. His brushed against a lamp but a jolt down his back caused him to spasm knocking over the lamp. The smashing sound of the lamp was soon followed by the nightstand being over turned.

He could feel it. The need to give into the darkness. It was trying to rip him from this world. The pain, it was just too much. He gasped feeling the air forced out of his lungs. He couldn't hold on much more. He just couldn't.

  
"Tsuzuki."

: : : : : : : : : : : : : 

The brunet Shinigami dropped his toast. A sudden coldness swept over him freezing his veins. There was something wrong.

"Hisoka."  


He sprinted out the door and towards his partner's home. Everything had to be ok. It had to be.

Tsuzuki reached Hisoka's home in record time. He turned his key and opened the door leaving it open in his haste. It wouldn't matter if he got yelled out. He had to make sure the green-eyed imp was safe. He swallowed the lump in his throat and stepped through the bedroom door.

"No." He said hoarsely as he looked around the room. "NO." He rasped louder. It looked like Hisoka had put up a fight.

"NO!"

He felt an overwhelming sense of distress trying to swallow him whole. Shinigami homes were supposed to be safe. How could this have happened? Fighting the urge to slump to the floor and cry he moved toward the bed and flung the sheet back.

There was no blood, which frightened him more than anything else. He had hoped the mad scientist had stayed dead even though Hisoka had said he was still alive.

He'd always harbored this small hope that the man was dead but not anymore. Crazy Bastard. He was the only one who could have done this. The only one. But why?

Why did he continue using Hisoka for bait?

Tsuzuki snorted in disgust. He knew why? It was because of him. Always because of him. Those closest to him had always gotten hurt. So who better than his reason in life. He had accepted long ago the fact that he loved the green-eyed imp. Just as he accepted that Hisoka had been no where near ready to hear the declaration. So he'd remained silent and he'd gone as far as shielding his feelings completely for the last couple of months.

"I'm going to kill you." He thought unmercifully. He would make sure of it this time. No matter what. He knew Shinigami weren't suppose to abuse their power, following personal vendetta's. It's the reason Shinigami traveled in pairs. And he had always tried to at least abide by _those _set of rules but not anymore. He was tired of caring.

The distraught shinigami grabbed a pink sweater off a chair and headed back out. He needed to alert everyone. They had to get Hisoka back. Once he had the boy he would kill Muraki. Whatever the cost, consequences be dammed.

*************

After so many years of research he would soon know if he had succeeded. This was a trial experiment and though he expected for it to work, he still knew there were several glitches he would have to work out. It's why he'd needed a guinea pig. It's why he'd gone after his last remaining living doll. The blonde his pet adored so much. Though this had nothing to with the purple-eyed man he knew he'd be seeing him sooner of later. The man was very resourceful when it concerned this boy.

He walked closer to the gurneys in the middle of the room. The doctor bent over a flaxen haired youth, eternally sixteen. The boy had been too beautiful for a quick death. The thought brought pleasant memories of a dark night under a red moon. Pleasant memories for him though he didn't think the boy would quite agree. He ran his fingers over the cold flesh. The youth's body had become pale about halfway through the blood transfusion. This body was nothing more than a shell now but still beautiful even in death. He bent closer to the cherubic face, his lips brushing over the boy's cold ones. He sighed and moved back. It wasn't nearly as fun as when there wasn't a struggle.

Strands of white silver hair fell into his eyes when he cocked his head to the side. He leaned over the second body. Genetically engineered but perfect nonetheless. This twenty-year old boy was perfect, right down to the last strand. The mad scientist ran his hand over the flaxen locks. It was just as soft as the first time he'd threaded his fingers into it.

The drugs would take a while to wear off. So it would be a while before he saw those hateful emerald eyes glaring at him, wishing him bloody murder. He bent closer to his creation. Licking the side of the boy's mouth before he brushed his lips over the soft mouth. He leaned his face over the warm flesh, nuzzling it briefly before he pulled away. "Soon." He whispered to his creation. He would have fun with this one. After the experiment was over of course. Maybe he'd even go as far as to carve the curse again.

Muraki smiled widely.

Yes that would be fun. To have the boy try and run from him, struggling. To have him squirm and quiver, writhing underneath him. Screaming but never pleading. Even at the young age of thirteen he'd not pleaded. The green-eyed child had wished him bloody murder and he was sure the youth would have tried killing him given the chance. But he'd not begged for his life. That's what he'd liked about him at the time.

Though in time he'd come to see the boy as an annoyance mainly because he'd interfered with his plans in snatching Tsuzuki-san. Still he couldn't help but feel attraction flare up for his creation. A new being, born out of years of research and genetic alterations. Dark magic and a deep obsession.

The mad doctor moved away from the sleeping model and back over to the first gurney. He pulled the blanket over the deceased shinigami. He no longer needed the body. He might as well bury it. 'Back to the grave,' he thought as he picked up the shinigami's corpse. He would be nice. He'd bury the corpse with the real body.

*************

The purple-eyed shinigami paced up and down the room. He was going crazy with worry. Gone was the cheery demeanor instead it had been replaced with concern.

It was four am, Sunday morning. Watari sat at his desk reading information off his computer and watching the brunet out of the corner of his eye. It had been exactly one whole day since the boy had gone missing. Everyone had been called in and where out looking for the youth.

Tsuzuki had come in not more than fifteen minutes ago to see if his partner had been found and had tried to leave when he found that the youth was not. Tatsumi had stopped him though, ordering him to stay or he would have him restrained. It was harsh but the purple-eyed man was unraveling. They had to find the boy and fast or Tsuzuki might become dangerous.

Watari looked over his information and sighed. It was useless there was too much ground to cover. If it had been Muraki, which seemed to be the case he could be out anywhere.

Tsuzuki stopped suddenly.

Watari turned in his chair to look at the brunet. Watched as he sent a messenger out the window to look for his partner. The brunet leaned against the window, a pained expression on his face. "Hisoka."

Watari bit his lip, keeping the words in his mouth. It was hard, watching the other shinigami suffer. But anything he said could only serve in upsetting the brunet causing him to flee in search of his much-cherished partner.

Poor Tsuzuki.

*************

Cold and bright. Pulled from oblivion and tossed aside, he now felt the stirrings of consciousness. His vision was blurry and his mind was groggy. He felt like he was floating in a heavy mist. He opened his eyes slowly aware of the glaring bright light. He felt disconnect. He moved his arms and found they did in fact move though there was a feeling of detachment. He turned his head to the side though there was nothing but an empty gurney.

He rose to sitting position, his movements sluggish. He was so weak. He looked around the room noticing everything was white, sterile. A hospital?

No, there would be staff right. So it had to be something else. Either a clinic or . . . . . a laboratory. Maybe.

He turned his feet to the side, stepping on the cold floor slowly. He leaned his weight on his gurney until he felt he could stand. He let go and fell against the second bed.

A flash spread across his vision.

A sixteen-year-old boy with blond hair lay sleeping. No, not sleeping he was . . . . . drugged.

Maybe.

A man, with white-silver hair stood over the body, caressing it in a sensual way.

His vision cleared and he stood again. 

He looked around carefully as a feeling of foreboding swept into him. Like a deep searing cold it spread over his body and into his bones. He couldn't stay here. He knew the fair-haired man. Something in him told him it wasn't the best of ideas to stay and he agreed. He moved to the side of the room looking for anything to wear. But the longer he stayed the larger the ominous feeling grew. In the end he put on a lab coat and found his way out of the room.

Anger and adrenaline replaced his fear when he found himself lost in a maze. It was like the place had been built with the purpose to confuse all but the creator. He had a sense of time slipping between his fingers and he knew if he didn't make it out now he might not get a chance again. He closed his eyes and touched the walls. A sense of something stirred in the back of his mind, leading him out.

Into night. The building he emerged from was dark, abandoned. He hugged his body close and walked down the deserted street. Wanting to run but being barefoot he had no choice but to walk. He kept to the shadows feeling afraid he would otherwise be caught.

Where to go?

He didn't know where to go. He walked and walked till he felt his feet would give out. He stood in the middle of a clearing. A park of some sort. Familiar in his heart but a stranger to his mind. The body in his vision had been drugged so he assumed the same for himself. If the drugs wore of he might be able to remember, for now he only had feelings. He drew closer to a fountain and sat down. He'd been walking for hours on end. The sun was just rising. Soon there would be people. But where was he supposed to go?

He willed his eyes to remain open when they dropped in exhaustion. He was just so tired. If he could rest for at least and hour then he could find shelter. He lay across the cold cement and closed his eyes. Hoping he was right, that as soon as the drugs wore of he'd remember where he was supposed to go.

*************

The silvered haired scientist entered his laboratory through the back of the abandoned building. Down the stairs and through the first door all the way down to the basement. Getting rid of the body had taken longer than expected but it was done. Now he had nothing but his model to look after. The prototype. 

Walls, ceilings and doors, a white blankness covered everything in sight just as emptiness hung in the air. Though for the man who worked here, it was nothing new. It's how he liked it. Clean and sterile like an operating room. He walked into the main lab and froze.

Where was his creation?

He looked around the room, past the glass tank along the wall. The sent of Ringer Solution from the tanks hung in the air, so familiar he no longer noticed. He searched the rest of the room almost frantically, behind medical carts, respirators and medical carts. But it useless the room was completely empty.

The rhythmic sound of pumping respirator ventilators and the combining hiss of liquid infusers was all the sound in the room. The beep of computer processors was faint in the back of his mind. His creation was gone. How?

Think!!

The body was too weak to be moving about. Even with out all the drugs in his system the body should still have trouble getting around, especially since it's never walked before. It's never been outside the DAMN room.

All right he would assume that to be the case. There was no link between himself and this other body so it would be harder to find. But he was sure he could find him. His thoughts raced as he ran out of the lab. Where which way would he go? Muraki took a moment before he ran down a deserted street. The boy had always been smart, naturally he would go where he would be least liable to run into people. But that'd be it only if he'd escaped on his own.

There was no way the purple-eyed shinigami had found him yet. Or would even find him first. Even if he had seen the boy he wouldn't recognize him. A living, breathing, twenty year old man. Tsuzuki would overlook his creation even with the resemblance.

That better turn out to be the case.

I hope everyone enjoyed the beginning. Sorry it took me so long to get back to YnM but my hand keeps cramping up and so I can't put chapters out as fast as I once could. Sorry. Still I hope you guys will patiently wait as I struggle to get the next couple of chapters out.

Latin

_Excessum_:departure, death, digression


	2. Admiror

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Hidden research, an experiment in death and rebirth.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An experiment leads to rebirth for a green-eyed shinigami, tearing him away from death and a devoted partner.

Admiror

*************

He woke with a start. Looking around his surroundings in the early morning light. Things didn't look as fuzzy as they had at night. He looked up, noticing a small white bird circling over him. He rose off the cold cement when out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of something. A shadow fell over him and he realized that he seemed to sense them a little too late. He inched back and fell right into the fountain. He splashed the concrete as he rose from the chilled water.

"Where did you think you would go?"

He stepped out of the water carefully keeping his eyes on the silver haired man. He was feeling an array of emotions. He realized very quickly that everything he was feeling at the moment didn't belong solely to him.

"You are my creation, a beautiful constructed doll." Light bounced of Muraki's glasses making him appear deranged. He smiled at the youth. "There is nowhere to go." The silver haired man walked closer to the trembling form. "No purple-eyed shinigami to save you." The mad scientist laughed at that.

"Not quite."

Both creation and creator turned to the new voice. A man, tall and thin, dressed in a dark brown suit stood several feet behind them. The glasses on the new comer added depth to his seriousness.

"Tatsumi-san, I thought for sure it would be Tsuzuki who'd have come for the boy." Muraki turned to face the shinigami. "Or is he too distraught?"

Shadows seemed to emerge, breaking the ground in front of him. Debris broke in large chunks as Tatsumi walked towards them, the shadows growing larger as he stepped closer.

Muraki made a leap for his creation. At the same time a dark ominous shadow sprung from the earth tossing the scientist to the side and holding him down. "He's mine I made him." The doctor struggled. The shadow grew thick, heavier and Muraki almost yelped in pain.

Tatsumi grabbed the boy. There was a struggle but he got his arms around the youth. The youth screamed in agony then slumped into Tatsumi's arms. In a couple of seconds they were gone.

Long moments after, the shadow disappeared leaving behind a mad scientist. Blood dripped from several cuts on his face and neck. He stood trembling with repressed fury.

His creation.

The prototype he'd spent countless hours perfecting to create. One step closer to building Saki's body. But now . . . . . everything was ruined. He fisted his hands. This isn't the end. It was his creation, damn it. If they wanted their shinigami they could go and dig up his body. The doctor gripped his collar and disappeared in bright lights, leaving behind small feathers in place of where he'd stood.

*************

Tatsumi placed the body on the hospital stretcher. He moved, rather was shoved aside as both Tsuzuki and Watari leaned in to get a look.

"What's wrong with him?" Tsuzuki's voice wavered at the sight of the boy.

"I'll need time to run tests. Tsuzuki I know you want to be here but you really must go. I'll call you as soon as I'm done," Watari said as he began to unbutton the smock the youth was wearing.

"I want to stay."

"I know but you can't." Watari moved to his pc and punched in a few keys. "Tatsumi please." That's all he had to say to the secretary.

Tatsumi grabbed an arm and began pulling the brunet out of the room. The candy loving man however was not his usual self and he wrenched his arm out of the others hold. "I'm not leaving."

Tatsumi's face, frozen in unnatural calmness looked at the distraught man in front of him. "I'm sorry." He said before he grabbed the distressed brunet in a surprisingly strong hold. Tsuzuki's arms were twisted behind his back as he was forcedly removed and released only when they stood outside the room.

Tatsumi stood in front of the door. He pushed his glasses with his finger in a familiar gesture as he stared at his ex-partner.

Tsuzuki's temper flared around him, knocking down the wall in front. Debris fell around him as he glared at his long time friend.

"That's coming out of your pay Tsuzuki." The secretary said conversationally.

"I need to be in there." Tsuzuki's voice was low. Serious in his threat he spoke. "Move aside."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

Tsuzuki cursed, stomping the floor in agitation. He was so angry. Though eventually he sighed in resignation. Suddenly a thought occurred to him. "Where did you find him?"

"Nagasaki, I believe it's where you two first met."

The purple-eyed man was hesitant in asking but he did so anyways. "Was _he_ there?"

Tatsumi knew whom he meant by _he_. "Yes, seems like the youth escaped. I got there before Muraki could take him back. There was a struggle but _he's_ not dead."

The door swung open then. An over-enthusiastic Watari stood in the doorway. "You won't believe it." He breathed. "You just won't believe it." The blond doctor went back inside and both Tatsumi and Tsuzuki followed. "He's alive." Watari said as he pulled his pc closer to the sleeping form. "He's actually alive."

Tatsumi and Tsuzuki looked at each other not sure they were following.

"It's a break through." Watari thought out loud. "Unimaginable." He said as he typed. "Hmm." What was this? He hadn't seen this before. He typed several more commands and frowned. His mouth parted slightly as new information scrolled across the screen.

Tsuzuki, glad the doctor was distracted inched closer to the youth. "Why does he look different?" He wondered as he leaned over the lithe form.

"Its' because he's twenty."

Tatsumi and Tsuzuki turned again to Watari for an explanation.

"The boy's body is consistent with that of a twenty-year-old. Genetically speaking his body is perfect. It's amazing." Watari said before going quiet again.

Tsuzuki turned back to the sleeping form. "Hisoka." He whispered as he reached for the boy's hand. A jolt ran up his arm and the boy's eyes flew open the moment they touched. Startled as he was, Tsuzuki didn't let go of the hand.

Hisoka rose quickly, looking around the room. His eyes landing on the man who'd saved him. "Where?" The rest of his words died off as images, words and sounds pulled him into a whirlpool, drowning him as memories began to resurface. A flash ran behind his lids before he was pulled under.

A flash of crimson.

An atrocious crime under a blood filled moon.

A red moon bearing pain and loss.

Darkness consumed him then.

In the abyss a gleam exploded into light.

And he could breath, he could sense and he could see.

A tall brunet with piercing violet eyes.

Silver hair and pain. A lot of pain.

The image of the brunet, again and again.

The fire. A blazing display of flames.

A large snake and the brunet again. He's hurt.

A deep hurt threatening to swallow him whole.

There's a boy, blond and thin with distant emerald eyes.

Detached and aloof yet he's the only one that ease the pain.

So he'll stay with the brunet. Here where the flames burn.

Here with the brunet. They'll vanish together.

The images sped closer together until he couldn't tell them apart. His head hurt. A sudden pain, sharp and throbbing caused him to double over. The flashes stopped and he was left breathing hard. Moments later when he could breath again he ventured in opening his eyes.

"You all right?" Tsuzuki 's voice is thick with worry. His purple eyes held him intently, making him flush and turn away. It's when he turned that he realizes he was been held.

"Tsuzuki?" His voice echoed strangely in his ears. He tried again moving in the embrace so he could look at the brunet holding him. "Tsuzuki."

"It's me Hisoka. It's me." The brunet affirmed.

"Hisoka." He repeated. "Hisoka." It sounded, right. His name was Hisoka. He and this man, they were . . . . . friends. The youth looked at the brunet closely, reading something in the depths of the mans' eyes. Dark pools of amethyst, so captivating. Friends no longer seemed like the right word.

Tsuzuki looked at the array of emotions running over the elfin face. He shielded his emotions so the youth would feel nothing but warmth from him. Maybe a bit of worry since he couldn't seem to rein that emotion in. "Do you know where you are?" He whispered to the youth.

"At work."

"Do you know where work is?" The blond scientist asked. He'd been quiet up until now but with the new data he received while those two had been interacting had been too much to keep him out.

Hisoka looked pensive for a moment. "No." He thought. A scowl appearing on his porcelain features the more he thought about it. "Why don't I know?"

"There could be a number of reasons but I'll need to run more tests. Tell me, you know Tsuzuki. But what do you know? His name, what he is or what he means to you specifically?"

"Hisoka's been through enough. I think we should let him rest." Tsuzuki said pulling the youth's body just a little closer to him.

Hisoka began to feel a mingling of emotions again. Wonder, excitement, joy, worry, sadness and protectiveness. After a moment he could tell which feelings belonged to whom. But the effort seemed to make his head hurt. He leaned back away from the doctor. "I have a headache."

"Yes, I imagine that you would. All right we'll let you rest." Watari said moving back. "Let's go Tsuzuki."

"No, I'll stay till he's asleep."

"Tsuzuki you haven't slept since he disappeared." Watari reasoned. He watched in satisfaction as the brunet squirmed. Only the boy could kick him out. Scold him for not taking care of himself.

Hisoka however remained quiet. "I need to rest." He said as he began to lie down. "Stay if you want Tsuzuki."

Tsuzuki smiled and hurriedly dragged a chair over to the boy's bedside.

Watari frowned and left the room. Sometimes Tsuzuki was just too dense. He couldn't get the hint. He closed the door behind him and headed for Tatsumi's office. He wished the secretary had stayed. There was a lot they needed to further discuss. Like why the boy was alive. And why the curse was gone from his skin if the doctor was still alive. There were too many inconsistencies for his liking. Far too many.

*************

"So he called him his creation." Watari repeated. "What did he mean by that?"

Tatsumi remained silent. They had never seen anything like this. They had seen something similar. The first case Kurosaki and Tsuzuki worked together on. It had dealt with Maria Wong being brought back to life but it had been different. They had all agreed she needed blood to stay alive while Hisoka's body was alive. How could someone have brought his essence back?

"They would have had to kill him." Watari voiced.

Tatsumi looked on, expectantly.

"Muraki would have had to kill the boy, or bleed him close enough to near death. Thought what I don't get is where he stored the boys' soul while he healed the body." Watari frowned while he thought. "I still don't understand why the curse is gone. Why would Muraki lift the curse? And Hisoka's body?" Watari slumped back into the chair in front of the secretary.

"Are you sure it's Kurosaki-kun?"

Watari perked up. "What do you mean?"

"You said he was twenty."

"Yes but any potion I create could do the same." Watari interrupted.

"His body you said was perfect. Wouldn't that suggest to you that perhaps the person in the hospital wing is not really Kurosaki?" Tatsumi explain.

"So you think it's someone else with the boys' memories?"

Tatsumi almost sighed. "What I'm saying it that perhaps. It's not his body."

Watari looked taken back. Not his body. _A creation_. He would have to run more tests to confirm that theory. Still, science wasn't so far along that they could just build a human body. The mad scientist was smart and under different circumstances perhaps even brilliant. So if it was possible for anyone it might be him. Plus he did practice some on the darker arts. He might know of a way to hold the soul prisoner until he could release it into another body. "It's possible that he might have genetically engineered a body to house the boy's soul but in all essence of the word. He is Hisoka."

Tatsumi nodded.

"He's a bit disoriented. It seems like he's getting used to being an empath again." Watari paused in his evaluation. "What should we tell Tsuzuki?"

Tatsumi's face was blank. "Only that he needs to be careful. Muraki is going to come for his creation and we, though most of all he, needs to be ready."

Watari nodded.

*************

"Tsukiori is fairly into a cult religion. It's said when he sees a person prettier than him, he performs a curse ceremony and the person will die.

Tsuzuki stared at Hisoka grimly. "Hisoka . . . . If you're scared, do you want to come sleep with me?"

Hisoka opened his eyes, escaping the dream. Turning his head lightly he could see a mop of chocolate brown hair resting on the bed right by his hand. He watched as his hand moved of it's own accord, threading his fingers into the thick hair. The brunet made a contend sound in sleep turning his face towards the hand perhaps in hopes of being caressed.

"Tsuzuki."

It was a whisper but the brunet woke. Hisoka pulled his hand back just before the older man raised his head. Tsuzuki smiled sleepily at him. "Are you feeling better now?" Tsuzuki rasped his voice still thick with sleep.

"Yeah." Hisoka held the brunet gaze before he looked away. "How long do you think they'll make me stay here?"

Tsuzuki stared at the youth intently, long after the boy had looked away. "Not too long. No more than a week I would say." Tsuzuki paused. "I think it would be best, If I stayed with you for a while."

Hisoka turned back to look at the brunet. "I don't need a guardian."

The brunet looked at the pale face, focusing on the jade chips of ice that drew him in every time. "Regardless, I need to be there. You may not agree but it's for the best." Tsuzuki's eyes flashed with fury before it was quickly suppressed. He could not think about Muraki it seemed without feeling homicidal. He forced a smile to his face. "It'll be fun you'll see." He assured the youth.

"I doubt that." The youth responded with a frown. He didn't like the idea of them being together all the time. He needed his space. He was used to being alone. He could think of a dozen reasons why this was wrong. Why it was such a bad idea but he was empathic. Because of that he'd shared Tsuzuki's dream, snips of their past together. He felt the brunet's feelings, his anger but mainly his fears right up until the childlike man had shielded what he felt. When had Tsuzuki decided to hide himself from him?

Hisoka fixed his own mask, schooling his features back into aloofness. "You understand I will manage your money. I can't have you splurging with your half of the grocery money." He kept his voice even when he spoke to the childlike man.

The brunet laughed nervously. "Ne, Hisoka isn't that going a bit far?"

"My house, my rules." Hisoka responded in a no nonsense tone.

Tsuzuki conceded. It meant no more sweets for breakfast but it was worth it to keep the youth safe. Tsuzuki yawned causing the youth to yawn as well. "Why don't you nap?" He suggested feeling his own eyes heavy.

Hisoka felt sleep tug on his senses. He'd been sure he wasn't sleepy. Still his eyes were heavy so it must mean he was wrong. "Only for a while." He slurred as his eyes closed.

The older man yawned, caressing the slender hand between his larger palms. Hisoka would know it was his feelings of sleep that drove him into a nap. Still he wouldn't know that till woke again. Tsuzuki placed his head in the same spot as before less than an inch between the youth's hand and his head. He liked being close to the boy. Just in case. He would be here as long as the youth needed him. 'As close as you allow,' he thought as he finally succumbed to sleep.

Well there we go for the second part. I hope you're all following along. Angst/Romance stories are my touch stone. And as so you must know that our green-eyed shinigami will have to suffer in later chapters. Just a small warning. In respect with the story I'm following the line of thought as to what would have happened if Muraki had been successful in his research. Like any scientist you need a guinea pig to either prove or disprove your work. Test subjects, if rebuked are used to fix any anomalies so that your next subject will ultimately be faultless. Still if you guys have questions. E-mail me, just be sure to add your address so that I can respond. Thanks.

Latin 

_**Admiror**_ : _to wonder at, admire, marvel at._

The chapter has this title because Hisoka's new body, this genetically engineered creation is something to be in awe of. Something to admire and marvel at.


	3. Theoricus

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Hidden research, an experiment in death and rebirth.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An experiment leads to rebirth for a green-eyed shinigami, tearing him away from death and a devoted partner.

****

Theoricus

*************

Morning light filtered through the open blinds. Hisoka stirred, waking slowly from his slumber. He yawned not surprised to see the purple-eyed man fast a sleep on the bed next to him. He sighed jadedly.

"I see your up?" The blond scientist whispered.

Hisoka nodded. "Am I still being released, today?"

"Yes," Watari retorted. "Konoe-kacho wants you and Tsuzuki to take the rest of the week off. You don't have to come back till Monday."

Hisoka nodded. The blond scientist smiled before he moved away. The green-eyed youth turned his head back to the left to where his partner still slept. Slowly he got out of bed; he walked over to a chair that held some of his clothes before he walked to the bathroom to change. He almost fell back when he caught sight of his reflection. His face, they'd said he'd aged but this . . . . this was . . . . . He was older not as old as Tsuzuki of course still he was older. His once rounded features were now sharper and more angular though he still seemed to retain a softness that he'd never liked. His wheat colored locks were longer covering his eyes. His bangs reached his mouth. This is what he would have looked like at twenty.

He broke his gaze away from his reflection and began getting dressed. He frowned at the shirt, all his clothes to be precise. While the pink sweater was his, it seemed the other items were not. Grudgingly he put on Tsuzuki's white shirt and a new pair of jeans. He felt self conscious in the shirt and in the end he put his sweater on. He made a disgusted sound at the back of his throat before he left the room. He stopped, momentarily surprised by Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki had woken up, afraid when he hadn't seen his partner. He'd calmed when he'd seen the light from underneath the bathroom door. So he'd sat up and waited. Time seemed to slow as the bathroom door opened and he sucked a breath in anticipation. Standing there in the doorway, the sight of the jade-eyed male made his heart constrict. While he'd always thought the boy was beautiful he'd never felt the overwhelming urge to ravish him. Hisoka flushed, the sight sobered him up. His shield quickly went up before the boy could read into his thoughts. He cursed inwardly, he should know better.

After a moment Hisoka coughed, clearing his throat. "Let's go." He said walking towards the door with Tsuzuki in tow. "Did Watari tell you about our little vacation?" The brunet as enthusiastically.

"Aa."

They walked down the halls, their co-workers turning to look at them as they passed by. Hisoka's face-hardened, as the scowl came back into place. Tsuzuki's smile slipped as they walked through the building. Happy as he was that Hisoka was back to normal, he couldn't help but be afraid now. Muraki hadn't made so much as a squeak. It might have been do to the fact that there were so many shinigamis around. They were safe at EnMaCho but what of the outside? What would happen now? He of course would guard his younger partner but what if the mad doctor took him while he slept or while he stepped into another room. His thoughts seemed to grow darker the more he thought about it. The ominous thoughts were only surpassed by the fierce anger he felt growing inside. He'd nearly killed Hisoka once.

"Baka."

Tsuzuki didn't quite hear the words but he felt the tug of his sleeve. He turned to the green-eyed imp. So lovely, he thought as he gazed at the youth.

"Listen when I'm talking to you."

That he heard. "What?" The brunet asked the youth. He'd obviously been talking while he was lost in thought.

Hisoka sighed in exasperation. "GO get YOUR clothes." He snapped.

Tsuzuki looked up and realized that they where in front of his home. He smiled impishly before he trudged a couple of stairs to his apartment. He should've moved his stuff while the boy slept but he just couldn't bring himself to leave his bedside, never for more than five minutes anyways. He should have asked Tatsumi, he was sure his long time friend would have done it. Specially if had made his puppy dog eyes. Tsuzuki stuffed everything he could into two duffle bags. He zipped them up and was well on his way.

The flaxen haired youth gave him an odd look before they continued.

*************

Hisoka watched his partner with apathy. His cool gaze focused on the spectacle the brunet was making of himself.

Tsuzuki however continued to lick his plate leisurely, lapping at the spaghetti sauce with soft upward strokes of his tongue. He began to lick the outer edge of the plate, swirling his tongue back and forth. The flaxen hair youth licked his suddenly dry lips. And it was then the brunet noticed his audience. His headed tilted to the side questionably just before the youth turned away, his cheeks flaming red as he muttered something that sounded much like swearing to Tsuzuki.

The purple-eyed man looked puzzled for a moment before a smile crept over his features. And even though the boy had fled to the kitchen to wash his plate he kept the smile to himself; less he wanted a beating. His happy thoughts though turned sour again as he glanced back at the front door. His bags where on the floor just a bit to the side. They'd come home some hours ago. And he hadn't made any move to place them into the guestroom. It was just a bit after lunch but he a need to talk to the boy now while it was early rather than wait till later when it would and will most surely turn into an argument.

Hisoka seemed happier in pretending that all he had was a dinner guest but that was not the case. Tsuzuki had spent days think of a way to broche a particular subject concerning their living arrangements. But in the end their seemed to be no right way to say this right. "Hisoka." He began slowly. The boy emerged from the kitchen drying his hands on a small towel. "There's something I want to ask you but you have to promise not to get mad."

Hisoka's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What is it?"

"Promise," Tsuzuki reiterated.

Hisoka huffed, unwilling to give in but playing this game with the purple-eyed man had always deemed him the looser so in the end and with great vehemence he gave in. "Fine, whatever."

Knowing that was Hisoka's way of giving the purpled-eyed man dared. "I need to sleep with you."

The youth's mouth fell open before his face flamed red. "What?" He threatened, daring the purple-eyed baka to repeat what he'd said.

Tsuzuki swallowed hard. "You promised not to get angry." He reminded. But it didn't seem to appease the beautiful boy. "I need to sleep with you." The brunet mumbled his request this time, afraid of the boy's reaction.

"Baka yarou, if you think I'm going to . . . . to . . ." His face was ten shades of red and still he couldn't say it. "You are sadly mistaken." He was so angry he might just hit the idiot.

Tsuzuki felt hurt by the response. "But Hisoka."

"No buts. Just . . . you know what get out." Hisoka's lips were white with anger.

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't. Yes you can." Hisoka walked over to the door and held it open.

Tsuzuki's shoulders slumped. He walked towards the youth dejectedly. The brunet laid his hand on the knob, which the boy quickly let go off. "I'm not going to leave." He said closing the door. Hisoka's chest seemed to puff with anger. Tsuzuki sighed warily. "I'm not going anywhere because Muraki will come for you when I'm not with you." The brunet explained. "I want to sleep with you so I can be close should he come into the room and try to take you while you sleep."

Hisoka despite the explanation seemed livid. "You are not sleeping with me."

The brunet smiled then knowing he shouldn't push the youth but unable to help himself. "Come on," he began. "Your bed is big and you always sleep to the side, you wouldn't even know I was there."  


Cold emerald eyes glared at him. "No."

Tsuzuki demeanor changed from charming to wounded. He turned away from the door and from the youth. Walking towards the couch he sat down. "Do you know what it what like for me Hisoka, to come here and find you missing. I knew the exact moment he took you too. Because I felt it. I felt like he was ripping a part of me away."

Hisoka swallowed the lump in his throat. He'd know for sometime he mattered to the purple-eyed man he'd just never wondered how much. No that wasn't true; he hadn't wanted to know.

"I only want to protect you." Tsuzuki reasoned.

"I can take care of myself." It was an automatic response that slipped past his lips. And he was sorry he'd said it but it seemed that Tsuzuki hadn't heard as he'd kept on talking.

"If he takes you again . . . . I will kill him Hisoka no matter who gets in the way or where the battle takes place. As long as I kill him. Just as long as he dies."

Hisoka put his hand on the brunet's shoulder. He didn't want to make a murderer out of the sweet loving man. And Tsuzuki would most surely die in this battle he was planning. _No matter who, no matter what_. It chilled his heart to hear the brunet speak that way. "All right Tsuzuki, you can sleep on the bed." He voiced softly.

Tsuzuki's face was in his hand's seemingly deaf to everything but his own thoughts. Hisoka walked around, kneeling in front of the brunet. "It's all right Tsuzuki." Awkwardly and as self-conscious as he felt he embraced the older man. It was too easy to make him cry, he knew. When the brunet really cared for something or someone he went out of his way to keep it or them safe.

The blond pulled away slightly, brushing the tears away from the other's face. "It's all right." He soothed. "I have ice cream." He suggested in hopes of cheering him up.

Tsuzuki smiled weakly before he turned his face away. Tears still trailed a path down his cheeks. The image of a hurt and helpless Hisoka refused to leave his mind.

"You can sleep on the bed Tsuzuki just don't cry anymore, all right?"

Tsuzuki turned and looked at the youth for a long moment. He swallowed the salty knot in his throat before he nodded his head. "Good, I'll get you that ice cream then." The blond said before pulling back, slowly as to not frighten the older man. But even as he moved away and into the kitchen he could still feel the other man's despair.

His thoughts were troubled now. He served large scoops of ice cream into the purple bowl he'd bought just for Tsuzuki. He put he ice cream back in freezer and pulled out the chocolate sauce from the fridge. Fixing the treat just the way the other man liked it.

Had he really thought he'd live forever? This thing with Muraki had to end sometime and from the beginning, the odds had been against him. What would happen to Tsuzuki then? He never meant to get attached. Not to Tsuzuki or anyone, _ever_ but that hadn't been the case. The fact was he did care for the brunet, a lot. More than anyone in life or death. He . . . . treasured the friendship between them.

He swirled the last bit of chocolate over the treat. The man liked every last bit of ice cream covered in chocolate. He sighed as he put the bottle back into the fridge. What was he supposed to do? He picked up the treat and straightened his shoulders. He settled his troublesome thoughts, pushing them below the surface again. With his mask firmly in place, he went back out.

*************

Hisoka face was strangely blank as he moved in and out of his closet. His thoughts drifted much in the same manner. He was making room for Tsuzuki's clothes while the brunet ate his ice cream.

The shinigami's stay was _correction_ is supposed to be temporary so there really is no need for this. He knows that too. But somewhere in the back of his mind there's doubt. About a great many things.

So now, here he is, moving his clothes to the side and hanging up clothes that don't belong to him. His moves are mechanical, folding and refolding the other man's clothes. Clearing a whole side of the dresser for the folded items.

So who's he doing this for?

Certainly not for the brunet. Or to make him feel comfortable, like he belongs. No, he's doing this for himself of course. Or so he tells himself as he folds the other's socks into place. His apartment would get messy if he allowed the idiot to put his own things away much like the other's home. No it was best for him to do it.

Hisoka pulls the last items from the bag, his ties. He folds them over three times, until they're small little squares. Then he puts them into the dresser. There it's all done. He has to go and make dinner now. He walks out of the bedroom and into the hall pausing at the living room to pick up the ice cream bowl. Tsuzuki has fallen asleep. He kept vigilance while he was ill so it's all right for him to rest now.

Hisoka washes the dish, dries it and then puts it away. He is doing everything he can to keep his inner thoughts at bay. But it doesn't really seem to be working. Thought's from earlier in the day come back as he sets about, preparing to start dinner.

"If he takes you again . . . . I will kill him Hisoka no matter who gets in the way or where the battle takes place. As long as I kill him. Just as long as he dies."

How had things come to this point? Tsuzuki. He would rather give himself over to the insane murderer than to have the brunet hurt because of him. Muraki had already done so much to destroy Tsuzuki's spirit. He was not going to allow the other shinigami to get involved. Not if he could help it. He seemed to be the key in Muraki's most recent scheme and though he didn't like it he accepted it. He would take the necessary precautions to remain safe. He only hoped it would be enough not so much for his sake as he had already died at the hands of the silver haired psycho. It was more for Tsuzuki's sake.

He moved around the kitchen, preparing a dry meal for his guest so the lunch incident wouldn't repeat itself. He felt his ears grow hot at the memory. The brunet always found a way to embarrass him. You'd think that after all their years together he'd have found a way to control that damn blushing reflex but no. That would just be too convenient. Why make life easy for him. When he could be embarrassed all the time.

"Hisoka."

The green eyed youth sighed. "What?"

"Just checking."

Hisoka shook his head in mild annoyance. "Baka." He muttered under his breath as he continued dipping chickens strips into batter before he coated them with bread crumbs. All the same his heart lightened, the familiar feeling ran unchecked through him at the sound of the other man's voice. Still he refused to acknowledge anything and so he let it go.

Tsuzuki leaned back on the couch in relief. However dense he appeared, he was very aware that if Muraki came. Which he knew he would. Would come in quietly, as to not arouse suspicion or risk a confrontation. Nothing noisy he was sure and so he had to be extra careful. Hisoka was very dear to him, he was all he had left and all the more precious for it.

I should have posted this two weeks ago when I finished writing it but I wanted to post everything together. Sorry if there was anyone waiting for it. But just so you know I do send previews if you e-mail me.

Small Notes: Hisoka is now twenty and as beautiful as Tsuzuki knew he would have been had his life not been cut short. Deciding that the youth was in too much danger on his own he took it upon himself to guard the boy personally. His need to protect Hisoka pushed him into asking to him stay. Tsuzuki fears the time when Muraki will come back. Unlike Hisoka, who knows it's inevitable. 

Latin

_Theoricus_ : contemplative


	4. Accommodo

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Hidden research, an experiment in death and rebirth.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An experiment leads to rebirth for a green-eyed shinigami, tearing him away from death and a devoted partner.

Accommodo

*************

Hisoka squeezed his eyes shut in hopes of avoiding an argument. Eventually though his patience ran out and he turned his head, eyes narrowing, pinning the idiot to his spot.

Even in the dark Tsuzuki could feel the deep emerald glare. Try as he might though he couldn't get comfortable. It's the reason he kept tossing and turning. This bed was too hard. He wondered briefly if the floor would be any softer.

"One more turn and I'm tossing you off."

Tsuzuki stilled, he stayed that way for a long time afraid if he moved the youth would really toss him off. He was mean at times and he didn't doubt the threat. Still his back was acting up. Slowly he turned, an inch at a time until he was on his side. He was right at the middle; judging by the small indent and the softer feel of the spot he would have to say that the youth had a tendency for sleeping there. He grinned that would mean that the boy would be rolling back to his spot once he fell asleep. Good he'd be rolling right on to him.

"Tsuzuki, go to sleep." The blond snapped irritably. The brunet was nowhere near sleepy and his feelings kept creeping into him.

The voice of the youth broke him out of his thought. "Hisoka." Tsuzuki began. He waited for the boy to respond but after a moment of silence and no response. "Hisoka," he tried again.

"What?"

"Can I ask you something?" The brunet asked timidly.

No, he thought savagely. But the brunet was still feeling vulnerable and so he wouldn't be too harsh. "What?" He sighed unable to hide his annoyance.

Tsuzuki remained quiet for several seconds before he spoke. "If you knew." He paused. "If you could predict someone's death. A death you knew was inevitable no matter how much you wanted to stop it." Tsuzuki's voice dropped on octave when he spoke again. "Would you say good bye the night before?"

Hisoka stilled. Was he talking about him or himself? "I wouldn't say goodbye. Not until I knew I really couldn't stop it."

"So you would still try even though you knew it was useless?"

Hisoka turned to look at the purple-eyed man. "Yes, I would. Would you?"

"I wouldn't say goodbye not in person. I'd leave a letter behind."

Hisoka quickly realized Tsuzuki was sympathizing with the deceased. "I would hate the person if they left me a note." Hisoka said clearly no longer sleepy. How long had the brunet been thinking like this. Did he want to die?

"Would you?" There was so much regret in that voice.

"Yes." The blond answered watching him closely. He wanted to ask the brunet what he was feeling but he lacked the courage. So instead he did something that went against his better judgment. He reached for the brunet hoping to absorb his emotions. To see what he was feeling and why he wanted to die.

Tsuzuki startled by the action moved back, the bed dipped slightly and the blond rolled on over to the middle. Tsuzuki moved back tilting the elfin face to look at him. Despite the darkness in the room he could see the soft silhouette of his face and the slope of his neck.

Hisoka despite his embarrassment probed the brunet's mind. He frowned when he met strong shields. "What are you shielding against?"

"It's the only way I can hold you."

Hisoka's eyes widened as he realized he'd voiced his thought. He was momentarily surprised but only for a moment then his eyes narrowed. "But you've been shielding for months now."

"You wouldn't know that unless you were checking."

Hisoka flushed and ducked his head. The room was dark but somehow he suspected the brunet still knew.

"What were you checking for just now?"

Hisoka stayed quiet and unmoving. He was embarrassed enough that he'd been caught there was no way he was going to say what he'd been looking for.

"Hisoka?"

Hisoka didn't reply instead he made himself comfortable where he was and closed his eyes. 'I know you can hear me, Hisoka.'

The blond opened his eyes at the intrusive thought. "I need to sleep Tsuzuki," Still the brunet's presence is there wrenching havoc with his mind and thoughts. His emotions and so he's forced to threatened the man. "One more thought from you and you'll sleep outside the front door."

'Don't see how you could make me,' was the thought before shields went back up leaving nothing more than a lingering presence of warmth.

Hisoka closed his eyes despite not being sleepy. He didn't want to think. He just wanted to sleep. Still the unbidden thoughts came to mind. What will happen to you when I die? Hisoka squeezed his eyes shut trying to block everything out. But like all people who want to fall asleep. They tell themselves not to think and all that ends up happening is that you then begin to think.

His sullen thoughts are almost mournful tonight. His conversation with Tsuzuki has made him rethink a great many things. About them specially. Can one live in the dark?

Can you die only knowing the lies?

Life has taught him that yes, in fact you can. He wasn't sure before he died but he found that he could and did.

He's alive again though he doesn't see this as a second chance because he knows better. He knows death will come again and in the same form. Silver hair, a glittering eye and with pain. A lot of pain and blood.

Just as before though he is willing to die with a lie in his heart. He would like to think that if he died with this lie, then he'd be able to come back as a shinigami. Though if Tsuzuki were to die only knowing the lie, life would be unbearable.

This body hasn't been marred or disfigured. He could voice the truth; he knows what Tsuzuki hopes for in the long run. What he hints at.

He could give that to him, so if he died tomorrow Tsuzuki at least would know the truth. Would it make a difference, he hoped that it would. Would it stop his destructive nature? He wasn't sure.

Truth or Lie? Time was gaining on him and he was afraid of only having enough time to ask the questions. What about the answers, resolutions? Tsuzuki.

What was he supposed to do?

*************

Lavender, roses, violets and musk. Tsuzuki snuggled closer into the covers, loving the heady scent embedded on the pillow. He cracked an eye open after a while. The room was dim and cold, small rays of light shimmered through small slits in the blinds giving the room a soft unearthly glow.

He sighed disappointedly not at all surprised that the youth was gone. As much as he would have loved staying in bed, specially because he knew it was Hisoka's, he knew he had to get up and go check on the boy. He tossed the covers to the side and rose. He yawned as he padded out of the room and down the hall. Rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he entered the kitchen.

Hisoka laid his book down on the table at the sight of the purple-eyed man. It was only ten am and he imagined the brunet never woke this early on a day off. Tsuzuki stood near the table, his eyes somewhat heavy lidded from sleep while his hair stood out in a disheveled kind of way. The sight was touching. The man really was very childlike.

"I didn't know where you were." Tsuzuki rasped, his voice was low and rough from slumber.

It made the hairs on his arms stand on end. The youth despite the reaction to his partner stood up quickly, seemingly unfazed. "I'll make you breakfast."

The brunet yawned and sat at the table. Laying his head on his arms as he waited for breakfast. He was still so sleepy. After a moment he found he couldn't go to sleep. Usually he could. Odd.

Hisoka moved around diligently. Preparing breakfast for his partner. No more than five minutes later breakfast was served. He watched a fully awake Tsuzuki gobbling his breakfast happily.

He drank his tea calmly. Deciding the perhaps when he spoke to the purple-eyed man it would be best not to make eye contact. "I need to go to the store."

"Grocery shopping?" The brunet muttered through a mouthful of food.

"No."

The brunet tilted his head. What store then? Oh. A department store. He grinned in remembrance. "You want to go to the mall." They'd only ever been there once together back when their partnership was fairly new. He still remembered the incident that'd gotten him his first of many bloody lips. He hadn't been able to help himself then when asked if they were _together_. He had tendency for flirting. We'll he still did but not in the same way. It was different now. Now he meant more than half the offers, he made to the youth. If not all of them.

The blond didn't seem too thrilled at the idea of returning there with the brunet. After the last incident he had sworn not to ever go back there with Tsuzuki. Too embarrassing.

"Is that all you're going to go out for?"

Hisoka looked up at the sound of the other man's voice. "What?"

"You're not listening." Tsuzuki accused with the smallest of pouts. Hisoka frowned. "I said that if clothes is what you need then you can just wear my stuff."

The flaxen haired youth flushed. "I am not going to wear your things, they don't even fit."

"But you look so kawaii." The purple-eyed man cooed with hearts clouding his eyes.

"Whatever, if you don't want to go then I'll just go by myself."

"No I didn't say I didn't want to go." Tsuzuki's face became serious. "We'll go after I've showered."

The green-eyed youth nodded and returned his attention to the book. Minutes later Tsuzuki pushed his chair back as he stood from the table. Hisoka rose as well and took his plate. The blond was careful not to touch him, something that didn't go unnoticed.

Tsuzuki smiled softly, choosing not to comment. He handed his plate over and left to go shower. Thinking as he walked, sometimes he couldn't help but think the boy returned his affection. The way he behaved and all. Blushing prettily at his comments or when they touched. It proved he had to care, right? To some degree at least. It was doubtful the boy actually loved him and if for some miracle the youth did, he still doubted it was with the same intensity. He would die for the youth.

He sighed and turned the knobs. The water turned on with a small hiss, washing over him as he stepped in. He decided that he shouldn't be so negative. It didn't matter how he was loved back as long as he was. What ever Hisoka offered, he would take. He closed his eyes as warm water sprayed his face. Steam rose around him as the spray of warm water became hot, just enough not to be scalding, it settled the tension from his body. His thoughts turned a bit more pleasing as worry melted from his bones. Hmm, the jade-eyed imp. It would be nice to kiss him. He could live off that for a long time. Just one kiss.

*************

Making the bed at this hour was something new. He worked on a self-schedule. Which meant he did everything in an orderly and timely fashion. He woke up at a certain time, he was showered and dressed by another and he made his bed right after. He liked _order_ in his home. It was a contrast to his work life of course, which consisted of Tsuzuki, running after Tsuzuki and trying to hand in paperwork two minutes before the deadline while Tsuzuki ate over his shoulder. He no longer bothered to try and change things, that was life at JuOhCho.

The door opened and Tsuzuki stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Surprised at first to see the youth in the room, he smiled. The sight of the blond caused him great delight. "Hisoka." He purred.

The youth looked up, flushed red , then turned his eyes back to the blanket he'd been folding. "What." He barked.

"You haven't set out my clothes."

"What?" Hisoka was surprised to see the idiot had moved closer.

Tsuzuki admired the youth's lithe figure as he came around the bed, closer to him. He liked the jeans Wakaba-chan had bought the boy, they rode down low on his hips. They looked great with the pink buttoned up shirt, too. "You look nice."

Hisoka skirted away from the brunet. "Shut Up." The youth snapped. the scowl returning to his elfin face. "Hurry up and get ready." He said moving away from the brunet. Tsuzuki chuckled even as he slammed the door behind him. "Baka-yarou!" He said once the door was closed though he quickly moved away just in case the brunet opened the door.

His heart beat wildly in his chest and he knew his face was some shade of red. It always was when embarrassed. His breathing was shallow that one aspect troubled him because it was accompanied by a new though familiar feeling. It had been unidentified for a long time. At first he hadn't wanted to know what it was. Then when he thought he knew what it was he'd dismissed it. Denying it since, it hadn't been too hard, specially because the feeling had only come at night. When he was alone and always seldom, even at that. This feeling of . . . . . .

. . . . . wanting.

Hisoka made his way over to the couch and sat down. His scowl turned into a frown. The more he thought the deeper the frown. This new body seemed to have gained some new interests. Interests that were not in accordance with his conscious but rather with a part of himself that was supposed to be none existent.

He did not want Tsuzuki.

He chose to ignore the long inner discussion he'd held with himself only the night before. His inner struggle with truth and lies was not welcomed in the day time. And so it was roughly pushed back to where it came from. Daylight brought reality. A reality that made him realize that what he hoped for were nothing more than flights of fancy.

Tsuzuki didn't love him.

"Hisoka."

The blonde's face remained expressionless for a minute before he spoke. "Are you ready?"

Tsuzuki nodded. Wondering what had made Hisoka's eyes ice over the way they had when they looked at him.

Hmm, It was originally longer than this. Still I hope you enjoyed it. I'll try and not let too much time go by before I update again. 

Small Notes: Hisoka is trying to get used to Tzusuki. It has been but a day and his nerves are wearing thin. There are to many emotions involved, too many facades. He's torn between what truth and lies. And even though in his heart he wishes things differently he's not yet ready to admit that he would like Tsuzuki. That he really does love Tsuzuki. 

Latin

Accommodo : to adjust, adapt, accommodate oneself.


	5. Receptum

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0o you may contact me through this website or my own.

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Hidden research, an experiment in death and rebirth.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An experiment leads to rebirth for a green-eyed Shinigami, tearing him away from death and a devoted partner.

ּ

ּ

ּ ּ ּ

ּ

ּ

_Receptum_

΅΅΅΅΅΅΅΅΅΅΅΅΅΅΅΅

It was early dusk when they returned. And the sun, just beginning to set on the outside, peaked blithely through the bedrooms' opened window; soft white curtains, billowing lightly on a breeze caught Tsuzuki's attention as he walked into the room, quietly setting a few things down while the bathroom door shut firmly behind an irritated youth, effectively shutting him out, as he had not been able to do . . . all afternoon.

It was a difficult situation, made only worse by the dark-looming promise the doctors mere existence had once extended the green-eyed youth. More so now, that when he'd merely fiddled with the curse that'd covered his entire body.

It had made him angry and anxious, and though he was no where near as good as reading people as his partner, he could easily read the fright the mere sight of white-silver hair had caused the boy today.

He was afraid.

And with a dooming sense of guilt, Tsuzuki would admit, he had every right to be. He was young and beautiful, and innocent in a way, he imagined he had been before that filthy monster had dared laid a hand on him. And yet, Tsuzuki knew he had been all those things before . . . in life, when _he _had been alive—the boy had exuded such innocence, such innocence still, he made an intoxicating sight.

And so what worried him, now especially, wasn't so much the fact that all those things had been recombined, again. But simply that he really was alive . . . He was defenseless, now, without the power of a Shinigami, without the protective shield that had provided him; he was completely vulnerable to all attacks. And while he had known this since Watari had first informed him of the youth's condition, he'd realized that Hisoka had not yet known or understood that until today, when they'd left the safety of his apartment and the first swell of thoughts, had hit him like a wave beating against the shore. He had staggered against his arms, struggling to raise a shield that would not come when called.

"Tsuzuki?"

The older Shinigami's eyes rose immediately to the elfin face, his worry dissipating, if slightly at the blush staining the youth's cheeks. "Yes?" He asked, already rising from the chair he'd taken comfort in and walking towards the youth who suddenly took a step back before stopping just as swiftly, as he scowled at Tsuzuki. The brunet couldn't help but wonder how much of what he'd been thinking had filtered across the room.

'_Baka,_' the boy thought, before simply shaking his head and leaving it alone. He had been mean enough all day, he thought and there really was no reason for him to continue to be so, especially now that they'd gotten away from all those people so—"Never mind." He muttered, as he headed for the door, he caught sight of Tsuzuki, just out of the corner of his eye, as he lowered his head.

It made his step falter and the ache in his heart begin anew but he still did not turn, hand already on the knob. He stared at the door, wondering what to say, to sooth him or comfort him in someway but—"Tsuzuki . . ." He lacked the words and courage necessary to say what he had once already said; '_I need you._'

"Hisoka?"

"Aa," he answered, thoughtlessly shaking his head. "Come on," he invited, eyes still level on the door. "I'll make you something to eat while I start on dinner."

And with that he opened the door and made his way. Tsuzuki's emotions, ricocheting of his psyche like fog against glass as he followed closely behind him. Hisoka felt his surge of happiness only for a second before his shields were reinforced and all he was left with was this deep hollow sense of loss.

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_Sometimes_ . . . it was hard . . . for him . . . to remember just _where _he now was, particularly when it got real quite in the room or he was left to his own devices; like watching tv or laying on the couch, just letting time slip by—until he could almost forget.

_Almost _. . . just never quite.

Since this whole thing began, Tsuzuki had not been able to breathe without Hisoka's scent or see without the image of his face. He was in his thoughts, all the time. More so than he had been before . . . all of this began. So, it seemed absurd that he could even contemplate the idea of being able to forget, even if for just a second—

Tsuzuki shook his head, exhaling a deep, frustrated breath as he leaned back against the cushions of the couch. Irritated on so many levels, he really didn't know where to begin.

He had known, almost from the beginning, he had known that returning to that place would only cause the tension between them to further increase. And still, he had gone. Because he knew, above all else, that Hisoka had really needed clothes and so he'd pushed aside his thoughts on the matter and readily agreed. Because he had needed to go and because . . .

He sighed again.

It really was like he was obsessed all of a sudden. He just couldn't seem to help himself. He needed to be with him, all the time now, not because he had to be but because he wanted to. He needed it like he needed air. He was in love with him. And while he'd known this for quite a while now he had never felt such a need for him as he did now. He wanted him.

Though he wasn't exactly sure when this feeling had begun to surface he did know that this latest abduction had brought the feeling to the forefront. Either way, he couldn't help but be afraid . . . that . . . in the end, when everything was over and he had at last rid this world of Muraki, he-himself, would not be around to provide the comfort the boy would need.

_He would loose _. . .

"Tsuzuki."

_What mattered to him most_ . . .

"Tsuzuki . . ."

He raised his head just as Hisoka peaked into the room. A light scowl marring his elfin face. "Dinners ready, come on." The boy beckoned, coming in the rest of the way as he dried his hands on small towel. "What's the matter?"

Tsuzuki shook his head. "It's nothing," he said dismissing the boy's worry. And sighing inwardly as he stood, stretching the kinks out of his back before coming towards the youth who had not yet moved.

As he passed him, Hisoka grabbed his arm, for a second synchronizing with his feelings before letting go as if burned, face flushed pink as he turned and walked away: mumbling something about idiots and meals going to waste.

While Tsuzuki stared after him, wondering what had just taken place, Hisoka called for him again, this time sounding genuinely angry at his dwindling attention span, which prompted the purple-eyed man to quickly rush in after the boy.

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Hours later, long after dinner had been served and eaten, and he had at last been found and dragged away from his latest book. They both sat on the couch; some distance away, as the movie, they had both missed the title to, continued to play in the background; their thoughts, otherwise occupied as the clock struck nine and the scene on the screen climaxed—

Hisoka blinked, wondering still, what Tsuzuki could have meant by his comment earlier that morning . . .

Though it was redundant obviously, he wasn't that naïve; he still didn't know how to interpret the feelings that inspired such a comment. Tsuzuki had always, _always_, after all said such things to him before. It was just . . . different, this time around. Though he wasn't exactly sure how or could even begin to explain the particulars on any such distinction for that matter; he knew, there was a difference. He could feel it. Much like Tsuzuki's gaze every now and then, he could sense it and with it, the change in his emotions.

But even that, he found was only a half-truth. Tsuzuki could, in most instances, effectively shut him out. He had been for a while now, hiding behind his shields, which he would admit, he had not paid too much attention to.

Before all of this began . . . that is, the second time around, he and Tsuzuki had finally settled back into a nice angst-free routine he had been coming around to _very _much like. It had been a step closer towards affection, even if a far cry, from the intimacy Tsuzuki had wished to share. They had a least, been on the same path. Now however, with the threat of Muraki looming over them and _this body _he was forced to bear, he found himself between a whirlwind of emotions, both his and Tsuzuki's, assailing his resolve.

He loved him.

And yet, he would admit, he did _not _want to. He did not want to care anything about him. Or even think, of how much he'd risk to save him from himself. Because thinking such things, only made it harder to deny it and if anything, Hisoka had been proud he could still sometimes believe his lies: no matter how much of an idiot that made him.

Tsuzuki sighed and that was enough, he found, to spring him from his thoughts. As he glanced over at the purple eyed man, eyes slightly narrowed. Tsuzuki turned to look at him as well, purples eyes tainted and dark, with a mixture of emotions that made Hisoka's face both pale and suffuse with color.

_He wanted him . . ._

And could not bare it.

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The movie ended some time after with a classical rendition of Beethoven he had only ever once heard before. Long ago, when he'd thought he'd had his mother's love; he remembered coming into her room just as an old Italian version of the _Moonlight Sonata _had begun to play.

With its soft, lingering notes permeating the air—Hisoka remembered his mother's face; the soft delicate features beneath that tidy mop of honey blonde hair. Dark-impassive eyes, hidden beneath a fringe of lashes too dark for the frosted way her hair looked beneath the sunlight.

She had been very, very beautiful.

And still, she had considered herself the ugly sister, he remembered as the song began to draw upon its close, the image of the face that'd flashed across her thoughts. With her long-silky locks, loose around her face, and dark loving eyes, as green as any winter leaf. He remembered _his **real **mother's face_. And the truth, that later revealed, he thought, bitterly blinking back an excess of moisture gathered around his lashes.

As he casually rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes, Tsuzuki turned the movie off, carefully setting the control on the table, with a care that was not at all unbecoming. He was nervous as he studiously avoided his gaze.

Which almost made it seem like he knew, he thought, suddenly becoming angry. He rose off the couch, coolly leaving the room, with his hands tightly fisted in his pockets. Irritated beyond reason, for no reason at all— other than Tsuzuki might have suspected . . . something. And confined as they were, set to spend so much of their time together, his anger found an outlet.

Maddening as it was though he refused to do anything that might otherwise make the older Shinigami cry. _That_ he had learned _was a doubled edged sword_. His tears and his pain tore his heart apart in a way his own pain never had. He'd made him vulnerable, he realized, much in the same way Tsuzuki had become.

Or like his safety had made him become, he amended, as the previous gathered moisture on his lashes slid down his cheek. Hisoka slammed the bathroom door, locking himself inside until his tears finally subsided.

When he came back out, almost an hour and a half later and after a much needed shower, he found Tsuzuki had been kind enough to turn out all the lights, including the bedrooms which made Hisoka hope, as he glanced over to the silent figure beneath the covers, that it was because he'd already gone to sleep.

Either way, he hoped Tsuzuki would allow him the illusion. He really was tired. And just now, he could think of no better way to escape his miserable life than through a couple hours sleep.

With Tsuzuki at his side, his sleep would most likely be dreamless. And warm, he thought. Yawning, a little as he padded around the bed, already feeling the call of sleep beckoning him in, he slid in silently besides his partner, carefully avoiding pulling on the blankets too hard as he tucked them in around him, dutifully keeping from touching the other man as he made himself comfortable. He felt Tsuzuki turn and mumble, drawing only slightly closer before his motions ceased. And sleep, Hisoka found quickly engulfed him.

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In the middle of the night, as most Shinigami took in their peaceful rest, the outside wall of the infirmary at EnMaCho exploded into debris that landed nearly ten yards away. As Muraki came in, white coat billowing on the winds of his explosion, the alarms began to sound. Drawing in the usually cheerful doctor along with the district's deadly serious secretary, who took half a look around before he'd already summoned shadows.

"Muraki!"

The doctor smiled, in away that made both their skin crawl. "Where is he?"

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I will start this off by saying I'm a bit of liar but _I swear_ I never meant to take this long. I honestly thought it would take me no more than a month or so to write this. But I was wrong. I'm sorry. I didn't abandon the story, I just . . . kind of dropped it to the bottom of the list. There was such a small fandom for it at the time and I was still so heavily involved in writing RK, that . . . I lingered . . . over there, for a really long time. I know. I'm sorry.

But I mean it now, I will continue this and finish it before I even complete the rest of my Mirage of Blaze story or anything else for that matter. So prepare yourself. Grab your tissue and your blanket and all of your comfort food now, and prepare yourself for the next _angst/ _'_what-are-you-doing-to-us-readers /romance' _couple of chapters.

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_Recipio, Recepi, Receptum _: to go back, retire, recede, retreat.


	6. Tametsi

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0o you may contact me through this website or my own.

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Hidden research, an experiment in death and rebirth.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An experiment leads to rebirth for a green-eyed Shinigami, tearing him away from death and a devoted partner.

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_Tametsi _

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_Time stopped and elapsed, fleeting beneath fading kisses and gentle hands. Soft, subtle, caresses that made him yield with a soft-carrying cry. Arching into that pleasantly drowning sensation, he was creating . . . for him and him alone._

_Like fog around a mountain top, it surged around him, enveloping him in a cocoon of heat and warmth, and wet sensations that slid against his skin like the feel of silk. His mouth . . ._

"Hisoka . . ."

_Was maddeningly slow on the chord of his neck, holding him in place with a touch, not all subtle or gentle as it pulled him closer, hands winding into chocolate locks. He gasped, as the other man's lingering caress finally settled between his legs._

"_Tsuzuki . . ."_

He awoke on contact, surprise and shock, reverberating through as he realized two very important things. The first been the most obvious, which was that it'd only been a dream, the second however, wound around him with a cold sense of dread: Tsuzuki was awake and in sleep or by either one of their unconscious need, he found himself tightly wound around the older man, his arousal tightly tempered on by shock.

The younger boy stared wide-eyed at the purple-eyed man, a sense of doom and anticipation hovering between them, as Tsuzuki's feeling tempted to drown them both. And he realized what he had not been able to take in before—'_It was . . . Tsuzuki's dream,_' his need and his revelation of love that'd startled Hisoka so suddenly.

While he had long suspected those to be the feelings of the other man, he had never really known—until tonight, he had thought it all nothing more than simple wishful thinking on his behalf; because . . .

"Hisoka . . ."

_Why would Tsuzuki want **him** _. . . _of all people _. . .

Tsuzuki shifted and for a moment, as the world grew too bright for him to think. Tsuzuki kissed him. Softly, fusing their mouths together in a series of long-lingering kisses, that made it hard for him breath . . . As the brunet eagerly nipped on the side of his throat, Hisoka's hands wove around his neck, eyes closing as tender kisses peppered around his face, trailing around his mouth until he slipped between his lips, slowly teaching him to respond, with a coaxing sweetness that had always laced his patience.

Drowning them in a whirl of emotions, as Tsuzuki pressed him down, firmly holding him beneath his weight, Hisoka thoughts synchronized to his . . .

When he looked into his eyes, he _felt_ such love . . . tears, sprang to his eyes, because he had never known, how he could have lived this long without knowing.

"I love you, Hisoka . . ."

"Tsuzuki . . ." He could not respond in kind, the older Shinigami feared his rejection still and kissed him before he could even begin to respond. _But he had to know . . ._

"Hisoka . . ."

_How much he truly loved him . . . _"Tsuzuki . . ." He gasped, as the previous feeling of warmth was suddenly replaced by jolt of pain.

"This . . ." someone said, "Isn't exactly how I expected to find you." The sheer calm of his voice would have been enough to let them know how utterly furious the sight of them, had made him.

"I'm sorry I had to knock him out," he gestured, looking mildly interested at the prone figure of the older Shinigami. "But you and I both know, he would have never let you go," he said, directing his gaze back on Hisoka. "Now come," he ordered, extending his hand in obvious expectation.

When Hisoka didn't move, however, hands tightly clutching an unconscious Tsuzuki, Muraki moved with a speed so unbecoming a human being, he scared him.

"I said move." He whispered, so frighteningly close now the hairs on his arm stood on end. "Or do you wish to see him handicapped? Hmm, boy . . . Is that what you want?"

Hisoka shook his head, swallowing the tears threatening to choke him, as he brushed Tsuzuki hair aside; he kissed him one last time and wished Tsuzuki had at least let him tell him how he felt . . .

"Boy."

There was enough ice in his voice to make him fear for Tsuzuki's safety. And it was because of this and this alone, that he pushed Tsuzuki off him.

As he stood on shaky legs, one hand still pressed against Tsuzuki's arm, he looked at the doctor.

"It won't be like before," Hisoka said, voice strangely despondent. "He'll go to the ends of the earth this time if that's what it takes to find you."

"Because he loves you . . ." The doctor smiled a cold-cruel smile. "_Boy, that can be easily be erased, so never you mind."_

When Hisoka still didn't move, the doctor slapped him, taking him by the arm and roughly pulling him around, as they turned to disappear the front door to his apartment blew apart.

The echoes of the others was the last thing he heard but as they disappeared it was Tsuzuki's startled face that made his own crumple up.

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"I didn't think it'd be that easy." The doctor said, shoving Hisoka away from him as they reappeared inside his lab. "But then you had him quite distracted . . . Didn't you boy?"

The way he looked at him made Hisoka pale.

"You look quite different when you want it . . ." The doctor noted, loosening his tie as he approached a cornered Hisoka, smiling that cold, cruel-smile. As his proximity began to take its toll, face almost against the teens. "I forget . . ." He murmured, "How weak you are without your shields."

As he touched the long honey-colored strands around Hisoka's face, the teen flinched and turned his face away.

"What? No screams. No biting." The doctor made a very disappointed sound in the back of his throat before he slowly backed away. "How very dull," he said, as he watched Hisoka's face, watched the teens body slowly begin to relax against the wall. "How very dull indeed," he repeated, just a second before he grabbed him around the throat; basking in the high-piercing wail, that echoed of the walls like strings of violins in a concert hall.

"Now that's more like it." He said, catching the youth in his arms just as he fainted. "Just like before . . . Ne, Hisoka."

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When he was little, the world around him had made little sense. The complexities of his surrounding had completely eluded him. And even though his sister had once sat him down and tried to explain it to him, he had been too young to understand.

The world was unfair.

Despite his hope and optimism, he believed the world would continue to be so until, the heavens themselves were torn asunder. And everything he had loved and came to love, were snatched away from his unyielding grasp. His mother and his sister were two prime examples. The other . . .

Tsuzuki sat up slowly, waiting for the world to stop its spinning before he opened swollen groggy eyes to a world filled with white.

At first, as he looked around, he could not understand where he was though some part of him recognized it, there were parts of him completed dissociated with some facts . . . Like names . . . Of things, he ought to know the answer to, he thought . . .

A flash of white and gold suddenly came across his line of sight. And as he turned, steadily trying focus on the shadow of the approaching figure now silhouetted against the door he remembered . . .

_Pale hair and dark _eyes . . .

"Tsuzuki?"

_Soft hands and an elfin face . . ._

"Tsuzuki!"

It was hard to focus. But he understood; there was something wrong.

"It's the drugs, Tsuzuki, I'm sorry we had to give you so much but . . . ." The shadow sighed, and Tsuzuki wondered what the other could possibly have to sigh about.

"Do you remember anything?"

Tsuzuki shook his head, the images and half-formed thoughts inside him where such a jumbled mess; it suddenly drudged up a desperation, he could not understand. That face—"That boy . . ."

The figure now visible to his right gasped and fiddled with something by his bedside. As he turned to look at him, at the guilty visage of the other man, Tsuzuki frowned.

"I'm sorry," the figure said, as he pushed a button on the machine, bright-blonde hair falling across his eyes.

A crushing heaviness settled against his chest, desperation clawing at his heart as tears sprung to his eyes. "That boy . . ." he couldn't remember the name to. "Where is he?" He had to be close by—he needed him to be close by—he could not survive this otherwise. "Help me." Tsuzuki pleaded, struggling to keep awake. "I need . . . I _need _. . . him." He slurred, as darkness consumed him once again, Watari wiped his eyes.

"I know Tsuzuki, I know." He whispered, wiping his own eyes as he drew back. "We'll find him," he vowed, "So don't worry. He'll be back; safe and sound before you even known it," he murmured. Turning around, as a distressed Wakaba moved away from her spot beneath the door, wiping at her eyes, as she glanced at the sleeping figure on the bed.

"I think Tatsumi might have found them." She said, coming closer to the bed as Watari stiffened, his face showing clear distress.

"He was looking for you. They're getting ready to leave," she murmured, taking hold of Tsuzuki's hand, as the scientist nodded and left. Wakaba sighed, blinking back a new wave of tears, before gently squeezing his hand. "I don't about this Tsuzuki . . . I know I promised . . . But too loose you too . . ." She began to cry, clutching his hand a moment before sticking a needle in his arm.

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In the dark, bound by things more tangible than ropes around his arms, Hisoka screamed; twisting away from the mad doctor's touch which only roughened as he curled on his side. Distorting his limbs in such awkward positions, Hisoka nearly blacked out.

"_This_," the doctor murmured, twisting his hand around honey-like hair — "Would go a lot faster, if you simply ceased to struggle." He said, mouth pressed low against his cheek in a depraved show of amusement, he kissed a corner of his mouth. "How unfortunate, I can't simply kill you," he said, pulling back enough to watch him scream as he tried to jerk away. Twisting his arms awkwardly as he continued to try and pull free of the enchanted binds. Blood like tears smearing his elfin face before the doctor seemed to have enough and slapped him.

"One day," Hisoka swore, voice roughened by his screams, "I am going to kill you."

"Just not today," Muraki said, twisting Hisoka's neck to the side as he injected him with something that made the younger man freeze. Eyes wide and dilated, conscious understanding, of what the doctor might do halting his expression a second or so before Muraki's rich-mad like laughter filled up the room; his amusement drowning out the echoes of Hisoka's promise, like the sounds of thunder striking hallow ground.

Hisoka fell unconscious. His struggle to break free ceasing as the doctor smiled. Touching over petal soft skin until he bruised the curvature of his neck, embedding dark-blood like curses, he would make him see just before he cut him open, he thought, continuing to laugh until the room echoed with his laughter and in the distance, an alarm began to sound . . .

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_tametsi_: even if


	7. Facio

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0o you may contact me through this website or my own.

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Hidden research, an experiment in death and rebirth.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An experiment leads to rebirth for a green-eyed Shinigami, tearing him away from death and a devoted partner.

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_Facio _

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Hisoka awoke with a start, a hot searing pain across his face, doubled as the doctor slapped him once again. As he blinked back a new wave of dizziness, he tried to make his vision focus before suddenly biting back a cry of pain as he felt the binds of earlier cutting into his wrists. A slow trickle of blood, making it's way down his arm, Hisoka looked around, trying to make out his surrounding, when he realized, they where much different than before.

"_Boy,_" the doctor called, fingers bruising against his chin. "You'll be happy to know, your Shinigami friends, just missed us." He mocked, amusement flickering across his gaze like light across a pond.

"Tsuzuki?" Hisoka rasped, watching the doctors amusement fade with such swiftness, such intensity, he thought for sure the doctor would slap once again.

"No." The doctor voiced, barely concealed madness hidden beneath his bangs. "He didn't come."

At a loss for what to say, Hisoka looked away, voice hollow and pained. "Why don't you just kill me?" He asked, shivering as Muraki smiled and took a step.

"That is _not _for you to ask." Muraki stated, sidling up the platform, he'd unexpectedly had to drop him on, soon after their escape. "But by the time I'm done, I think you're going to wish you had never asked." He said, lips quirking viciously into the semblance of smile.

"Poor Tsuzuki . . ." Muraki mocked, ghosting hands, gliding over calf's. "He's going to be so distraught when he finds your body . . . A pity I will have to obliterate your soul, ne Hisoka-_chan_."

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His breath caught—early in the afternoon light, amidst warmth and rays of sun, as a life time worth of knowledge flashed across his mind, he still could not comprehend. How? How, could he have risen from that bed. It was impossible. Tsuzuki had by all medical means been effectively sedated, strapped down to that bed and watched almost . . .

"Constantly," he murmured, running out of the infirmary and out into the main office, in search of Wakaba who he feared might have done something she really, _really_ shouldn't have.

"Kami," he thought, halting at her empty desk before really beginning to despair. He knew where Tatsumi had gone, but he didn't think Tsuzuki knew. Which meant he could have been anywhere out there. Specially if the drugs they'd filled him with had not yet dissipated, he thought. Mournfully looking around the desk area one more time before running out of the building, taking to the skies and hoping beyond all hope that Tsuzuki had at least found Tatsumi. Kami only knew, he would know what to do.

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"The first incision's going to hurt," he murmured, carefully driving the blade deeper into the youth's arm, before briefly glancing at his moistened eyes, lips half parted in a grimace he tried to hide.

Which in part is what made it so much fun, Muraki thought, fiddling with the machine, before infusing the spare with the boys thick red blood.

"It won't be long now." He murmured as he took a slight step back, watching the boys hands fisting together, slower than they had the last time he'd tried . He smiled and approached the bed. Soft hands searching, ghosting over pale light skin.

"You are most beautiful," he breathed—"When covered in blood," he remarked, taking a slow lick of his neck before burying his nose in blood matted locks.

"You should be grateful, I didn't beat you." He murmured, insinuating hands, grasping at his thighs. "Grateful enough to show me, what it was like . . ." He said, breath hot against his face, as he lowered himself further, "Show me what it was like with Tsuzuki-san . . ." He asked, lightly nipping on an ear before Hisoka screamed out in outrage. Kicking at Muraki with enough force to knock him back onto the gurney set up besides his.

Dry heaving in revulsion, Hisoka's turned his face away. For a moment closing his eyes, willing himself to stop before slowly turning back. Face pale and eyes bright, as he watched Muraki rise.

"That is going to cost you," he said, not coming any closer to the bed but watching him instead, as he traced the deep rope-burns on his legs genuinely surprised to find he'd somehow managed to loosen them enough before letting something like amusement turn up the corners of his mouth and touching Hisoka's forehead.

As he watched stiffened limbs become relaxed, he approached the bed, triumph glinting off his gaze at he watched Hisoka dark emerald like eyes fade with conscious thought. Leaving him a poor, helpless little shell like Maria Wong had once been.

"Now," Muraki murmured, mouth pressed close to the boys. "I'm going to mind my brother. You stay there," He said, mocking smile turning up his mouth. "While I get things ready. It won't be long before he's awake I'm just afraid, something as pretty as you will only draw his attention so I'll have to kill you before then." He trusted, hands, slowly rubbing against his thigh before slightly sighing and turning to the gurney set out beside him.

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"_He looks peaceful."_

"_He does," he agreed, gently running his hand through blonde silken locks. His face one of calm resignation, as he looked down at the elfin face._

"_You really love him."_

_It wasn't a question but regardless of the fact, he nodded, acknowledging her comment with a glance of suddenly bright eyes. "He is all I have left." He whispered, dark purple eyes dimming with the thought. "I can't loose him too," he murmured, choking on sob he would not let her witness. "I - I could never survive that."_

"_Tsuzuki," she whispered, kneeling down in front of the usually genki man. "He's going to be fine." She said, placing a hand over his knee. "He's too stubborn not to right?"_

_Smiling a bit, he nodded. "I just . . . I worry, Wakaba. He is more vulnerable than you realize. I just . . ." He shook his head._

"_Tsuzuki? What is it? What's wrong?"_

"_I-" He didn't know quite how to begin but—"Wakaba, you and I, we've have been friends a long time, right." When she nodded, his eyes abandoned the sleeping youth. "You know I have never . . . What I feel for Hisoka . . . I want to protect that." He paused, eyes flickering to youth's face before returning to Wakaba's serious expression. "I want to protect him by _all _necessary means."_

_Frowning, Wakaba shook her head. "I don't understand."_

"_I want you to do me a favor, Wakaba."_

"_Alright."_

_Blinking, back the desperation threatening to creep across his face, Tsuzuki sighed, taking a deep breath before all traces of the man she knew disappeared from view. "I want you to help . . ."_

"_Help me get him back anyway you can." He implored. Hands reaching out for her. "If I am for any reason hurt or incapacitated. I want you to help me. Just help me stand."_

"_Tsuzuki . . ."_

"_That is the only way," he cut her off. "I can't survive this world alone Wakaba. I'd rather die fighting to take him back than to survive this _knowing _I could have saved him."_

"_But Tsuzuki, Hisoka wouldn't want . . ."_

"_Please." He snapped, sounding harsh and cold, the image of what he might become without the elfin figure at his side. "It won't matter in the end," he said. Eyes and hands withdrawing, capturing youthful pale hands instead. "I _won't _let him go."_

"_Alright," she promised. Fear and trepidation, lacing her posture as she stood, silently watching his face, her heart always regarding him a brother; as he glanced her way, eyes bright once again._

"_Thank you Waka-chan. Thank you," he whispered. Returning his gaze back to the elfin face, who in sleep had moved closer towards his partner._

'I can't let you go,' he thought, remembering the youth's face as Wakaba had let herself out, as he had leaned forward and slightly brushed his lips against his hair. 'I can't,' he thought, running into a room purposely set on fire. The wall behind him gaping wide from the explosion his Shikigami had created. As he charged ahead, breaking through another obstacle with Byakko at his side. He could only think of how much he loved the elfin faced youth, what he wouldn't do to keep him. And most importantly, how nothing, _nothing _he swore would keep him from reaching the boy's side. Muraki least of all, he thought, grimly rushing in after Byakko as the roof collapsed. Shouts of panicked angry friends, filtering through his head before darkness surrounded him once and for all.

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"Your shields seemed have gotten weaker." Muraki mused, face inches from a slowly awaking Shinigami. "I can't say I'm not surprised," he cajoled. "That boy will be the death of you."

"Mur_aki_."

"Temper now, Tsuzuki-san. I can't say I wasn't expecting you. I just thought you'd be by a little later."

"Where is he," Tsuzuki growled, hands pushing off the floor to lift himself up.

"I'm afraid he's not really alive." He murmured, walking out of reach as Tsuzuki turned around, trepidation vanishing as, surprise and anger, washed him off any other clear emotion.

"I'm going to kill you."

"Yes, I've heard that before." The doctor mused, a different kind of smile tugging at his lips at he gazed down at the brown haired man. Disheveled clothes and all, he still looked good enough to toss down and . . . "Maybe later," he offered before turning back around. Walking to a group of gurneys Tsuzuki had not been able to see before.

"Where's Hisoka," he asked again, taking a step closer before coming to a halt, feeling out with his hand as he felt something like an invisible wall obstruct his path.

"You didn't really think I was just going to let you come in here and start destroying things, did you?"

When Tsuzuki scowled, Muraki merely smiled. "I'm almost done Tsuzuki-san. Then after I get rid of the boy you and I can . . . _talk_, if you like."

"I want Hisoka. Give him to me."

"Now why would I ever do that."

"Because you don't need." Tsuzuki snapped, punching the barrier that stood between them. "Give him to, now."

In the silence of the room, as Muraki and Tsuzuki gazed at one another, the soft humming sounds of a heart monitor came alive as another began to fade.

"Too late now," the doctor murmured, gaze cast of to the side as he watch the slow shallow breaths of someone truly dear to the brown haired man, cease his struggle. "Much too late for him now," he said before watching as Tsuzuki struggled to understand.

Sliding down against the barrier, Tsuzuki felt his heart shatter. Just thinking of the last time—the last time, he'd had him in his arms. As he'd finally kissed him and had felt _his_ heart respond. Tsuzuki cried out, shaking his head, in what could only be denial.

"He can't be dead." He argued. "Hisoka would have waited." He cried. "He would have waited to at least have seen me . . ." _One last time_, he choked before completely coming apart.

As Muraki watched him, fascinated by the grief the older Shinigami drowned in, something like a shadow rose behind him. The echoes of a monitor wailing, before the sight of wheat color strands over shadowed his.

"Muraki?"

He turned around, eyes wide and fascinated as he saw at last who stood behind him. "Saki," he breathed, a mixture of emotions filling up his being before finding himself trap in the others arms.

"I feel a lifetime of waiting in you Muraki."

His voice Muraki realized had not changed at all. But his strength, had he always been this strong?

"You look so much like your mother," Saki whispered, face pressed close to a suddenly stiff Muraki. "I'm going to enjoy this."

Hatred, he remembered. Dark, black, seeping hatred more tangible than the need for revenge or cold-blooded murder. The doctor yearned to make him pay, to obliterate him down to his very soul. Watch him struggle and fight, and cry before brimstone and fire turned him into ash. "I —" Muraki, stated, in a carefully measured tone— "Am going to . . ."

"_Suzaku_," someone called.

Catching their attention, as he realized Tsuzuki's prone body lay in the arms of a dead Shinigami, "Suzaku," he called, voice strangely deep and mournful, as the giant phoenix rose behind him, crashing past the barrier with such ease, Muraki tried to step back.

"Who is that?" Saki wondered, eyes alight on a slim figure, with eyes as dark as his original mother.

"The death of us all," Muraki murmured, turning around as the heat of Suzaku's fire enveloped them in flames _as bright as the ones he'd soon see in hell_ he mused before Saki's screams drowned out his own.

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_Facio_, as used in this story and by definition means _to sacrifice;_ to suffer or to bring about.


	8. Fateor

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0o you may contact me through this website or my own.

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: Hidden research, an experiment in death and rebirth.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An experiment leads to rebirth for a green-eyed Shinigami, tearing him away from death and a devoted partner.

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_Fateor _

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In the wake of Suzaku's flames, in the middle of the lab as her fire roared and machine and stone fell alike to the heat engulfing it. Tsuzuki regained enough control to pull away from Hisoka's touch. Catching a blood soaked Hisoka in his arms, as the world around him rose in tongues of orange-yellow flames.

"Hisoka," Tsuzuki urged, shaking him slightly harder than necessary. "Hisoka please." He begged, watching as bright, evergreen eyes, blinked completely opened.

"Tsuzuki," Hisoka rasped voice soft and dry from days of anguished screaming. "You came."

"I could never let you go." He reaffirmed, watching a slight smile ghost over his elfin lips.

"I didn't want . . ."

"What?" Tsuzuki pressed, shaking him a little harder when it seemed Hisoka could not stay awake. "What?"

"I don't want to see you cry."

"Then don't leave me," Tsuzuki pleaded, eyes tearing as Hisoka blinked, his gaze, a little out of focus.

"I'm selfish Tsuzuki."

"Hisoka?"

"I couldn't let you go." Hisoka murmured, face pale and hurt. "I couldn't let you leave me. I needed . . . I wanted you, always by my side."

"Hisoka," Tsuzuki whispered, cradling the boy softly against his chest. "That's not selfish at all . . . that's . . ." _That's love_, he wanted to say. Instead he pulled him closer, hid his face in his matted locks and slowly began to rock them back and forth. "I won't let you go," he promised. "I will never let you go . . ." He whispered, closing his eyes as Suzaku continued to circle above them, smoke and heat, just barely held back by shields that would soon collapse. "Hisoka," he murmured, closing his eyes against a tide of tears as he realized, Hisoka could no longer respond.

_Till the end then_, he thought, lightly brushing his fingers through Hisoka's hair before bending down, releasing his hold on the shields above them as Hisoka's lips touched his in a final kiss. And darkness, as he'd once known it, overcame everything else around them.

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Reluctance, he thought, did not compare to Anonymity in its interpretation of struggle over love. However well written or beloved, "For when did a man ever inspire such reasons; to be loved or resend such indifference; but in death. In death, my dear beloved friend, I argue, I cannot take a breath if your will is to let me go."

"Who is that?"

"Ah, Kurosaki-kun how nice to see you awake," the blond scientist said, putting his book aside as he rose to take a closer look at his still too pale face. "We were afraid we might have been a little too late this time." Watari murmured eyes strangely distant for a moment before he shook his head and looked down into wary, jade like eyes. "Tsuzuki's fine," he injected, watching as the boy's face contorted slightly.

"I didn't . . ." _Ask_, he almost said, as he watched Watari in turn, the other man smiled and gestured to his left, to the bed set beside his and where the other Shinigami currently took his rest.

"He wasn't injured but . . ."

Hisoka's gaze bore into the scientist, catching more than just words as he looked at the blond doctor.

_. . . he was very distraught. He nearly killed himself when he thought you were gone._

The scientist thought, gaze slightly worried as he glanced away from the smaller youth to the older brown-haired man. "He needed rest," he simply said, sighing slightly, before brining forth a smile.

"Here," he said, handing Hisoka the book he'd been reading. "It's a book of poems Gushoushin brought in for you a little earlier but you weren't yet awake so, I hope you don't mind." He said, turning around as he gathered a few files of a nearby desk. "I have to step out for a minute, so do me a favor and don't try to leave like last ok."

Hisoka nodded and watched him walk away. Very inconspicuous in his exit as though Hisoka couldn't read the way he felt.

But then as he turned to look at the man beside him, mind and heart at peace he dreamt of other things, Hisoka couldn't help but want to run away. So much of what had happened, of the things he'd unwittingly said, in light of recent events, he thought Tsuzuki might expect . . . Some sort of outcome, something he might not be able to give.

Despite the fact, that he did indeed love him. He could not just shake off the things Muraki had done to him. It was impossible. As long as the curse remained, Hisoka felt, he could never ever; love Tsuzuki beyond words or an occasional sign of affection.

'_Never_,' he thought, bitterly turning away from the unaware man—focusing instead on his hands and the light pressure of the book beneath them.

As he turned it over, distractingly, smoothing a hand over the cover, he glanced at Tsuzuki's bed before opening it and focusing on the page that drew open.

_Anonymity_, he mouthed, silently reading over the scientist's earlier words before weighing Robert Frost's _Reluctance_ not against it but in correlation to what seemed to be the theme.

"For when did a man's true nature ever overcome a beast, then when love itself seemed to be in danger."

'Aa,' Hisoka thought, smiling ruefully at the book before turning over the page and And as _Fate_, would have it:

"If in death there is some peace for you my friend, then I grieve you to say, I wish you no peace. I wish you no harm, but if in death you will part from me, then I soil that image you have me. For will and wish, are as strong in me, and I cast, I will never let you go."

"I see," Hisoka murmured, putting the book down and glancing over at the sleeping figure on the bed.

He didn't think it was coincidence that the book had come to find its way to him today. This was them trying to interfere, he thought, becoming slightly angry at their intrusion. They had no right to tell him how to feel . . . or make him regret, any of what he would have to do. He had to push the other man away, couldn't they see that. He wasn't strong enough to care . . . Couldn't they see?

Tsuzuki would only suffer if he alluded to a love he could never quite convey. Because he loved him . . . Affection could never be something that existed between the two of them. Any elucidation of his reasons, would ultimately be deficient and yet too clear for the other man's understanding. He was keen, if nothing else, when it served his purpose. Particularly when it regarded him and it, he was already too acute.

"Hisoka?"

"Um," he responded, automatically rising from his bed and going to the one beside it. Gazing down to at the figure in it slightly blink sleep out of dark-violet eyes.

"Hi-soka," Tsuzuki yawned, running long slim hands over the back of his eyes before letting them completely open.

"Hisoka," he breathed, catching the boy quite of guard as he cupped his face, one hand stealing over his hair, as he ran a hand through long, jagged locks.

Hisoka blushed and for a moment forgot to step away. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"Your hair, your _face_," Tsuzuki breathed, wonder and affection, threading through his tone like petal against his face. "You're . . ."

_Beautiful_, he thought. Knowing Hisoka must have heard him as his blush deepened and he tried to pull away.

"Tsuzuki."

He wanted to step away. The older Shinigami could tell by the way his smaller frame had stiffened. The way he tried to make his face cold and eyes sharp.

"Hisoka," Tsuzuki murmured, wanting so much to pull him down with him, he reluctantly thought it best to let him go. "Haven't they . . . Didn't they tell you . . . Show you what you look like."

When the youth frowned and shook his head, Tsuzuki smiled and pulled himself off the bed; stepping closer to the youth, who seemed to have forgotten a need to escape.

"Have a seat," he said, as he motioned to the bed while he walked over to Watari's desk and pulled out a mirror he knew, his friend kept hidden in one of the lower bottom drawers of his desk.

Eyes alight on the youth; he kept the reflective surface of the mirror down as he made his way; gestures soft and not threatening as he took a seat besides him. "Here," he said, handing the mirror over to the youth, who looked at him a moment before reaching out take it.

Holding it face down a moment before something else took his notice.

"Hisoka?"

His hands, he realized where not the same as the last time he'd seen them . . . His arms then, he realized as he tossed the mirror aside and rolled up a sleeve, were soft and pale, and completely free of any curse. "Tsuzuki . . ."

If he was free, then . . .

"Muraki's dead," he sobbed, unaware of the moment he'd breached the distanced between them. He's dead, _dead_, he thought. As he cried out his relieve and stored up anguish over things he had yet not done. Tsuzuki squeezed him, pulling him closer into his arms.

Remaining silent through it all and even, long after his tears had gone. As a comfortable silence settled between the two, Tsuzuki's hand continued to distractedly play through a mound of flaxen locks. Thinking nothing really as Hisoka sighed, contentment washing off the boy like _how I love you_, suddenly escaped him—made him freeze in place, as Hisoka pulled away, eyes wide and red, from crying.

"Tsuzuki?"

He had not meant to tell him, _not this way_, maybe not even at all. He knew after everything Hisoka had been through that any words of love might have been misinterpreted. But—he didn't mean to think it, he thought. Panic turning to despair as Hisoka pulled a little further away, emotions closed of as he regarded him.

"Hisoka . . ." He didn't know where to be begin or how to excuse his thought other than to tell him he didn't mean it in the way thought. Anything to get the boy to come back to him, to step back into that moment of peace and warmth, his arms full of Hisoka and lo . . . He stopped himself, inwardly shaking the thought away.

He would do anything, _anything_, he thought, including lie to get him back. Regardless of how he felt or how . . . how . . . _I love you_, resonated in his head . . .

Hisoka sighed—seemed almost disappointed as he turned his face aside. Muttering something that sounded an awful like "Baka-yarou," before he turned back to look at him again. Eyes uncharacteristically bright, as he glanced down at his hands, a slight blush spreading across his face.

"Me too," he said, blushing furiously as Tsuzuki's mouth fell wide open.

"Hisoka?"

"Yes, _ok_. Now get off the bed," he snapped. Blushing furiously as he tumbled him off the covers and proceeded to try to get to sleep.

"Hisoka . . ." He just couldn't find the words. _To anything_, he thought, grinning foolishly as he climbed back into his bed, his eyes full of hope as they rested over the well covered bundled; he called Hisoka. As his eyes, drooped in sleep, his heart full of love and fears set aside, a happy sleep enveloped him.

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It was contentment, even from a distant, he could feel. In the way he smiled and joked and nearly swallowed everything in sight. Hisoka sighed, thinking the idiot was making it kind of obvious to anyone around that he might have conceded . . . something.

"Baka," he thought, turning back around to gather the rest of the folders off his desk before heading home. Kami only knew how much work, they had ahead of them.

Tatsumi was very unforgiving in that way, a few days being kidnapped and tortured where enough to buy them but an extra week off of work after Watari had released them.

Not nearly enough for Tsuzuki, who seemed permanently attached at his side but it was enough for him and he guessed that was something. Goodness knew; some time away from all theses peering eyes would do him a bit of good.

Though he didn't regret loosing his sixteen year old self, he was a little put off by how much attention he perceived was placed upon this twenty year old self. It's not like he was any different. He was just older he thought. Scowling as he turned around and began to leave the office, the sounds of laughter, washing through the air, like Tsuzuki's feeling of contentment.

"Soka," Tsuzuki breathed, bounding awfully close to Hisoka as he reached him. Breath as sweet as the candy he'd inhaled. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Aa," Hisoka nodded, face a little flushed as Tsuzuki's eyed him, lips close enough to touch as he bore down on him. "Good," Tsuzuki breathed, lips ghosting over his affectionately before grabbing him by the arm and whisking him away—turning over, Anonymity in his head, as they disappeared from a group of shocked friends.

'_For when did a man ever inspire such reasons; to be loved or resend such indifference; but in death. In death, my dear beloved friend, I argue, I cannot take a breath if your will is to let me go.'_

'And I will never let you go,' he thought, face upturning like a flower in the sun. Basking in the happiness radiated at him before his lips were firmly caught, kissed and kissed, until all other emotions were devastated by the loss. As Tsuzuki pulled away, a soft smile tugging at his mouth—"I love you too," he whispered, hands entwined, as he pulled him along.

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-Owari

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Well that's the end for you. Little sappy, maybe but I liked it. Had to stop several times there and make myself sad, you know, I have to be feeling in a particular mood for me to write angst. And I'm a afraid the lack of troubled inspiration I was searching for eluded me through the end. Still I hope all of you enjoyed. Questions, comments, you know where to find me.

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_Fateor, _as it applies to this story and by definition, means _to confess, admit, allow, reveal, or make known._


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